Apparently you make a good broom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
