Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
