Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sext me about skeletons
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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