wrigley field is MILF paradise
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
