In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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