There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
