I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
