i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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