I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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