THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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