I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
