I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
