There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize