Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
