dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize