Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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