I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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