...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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