question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
