I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
