I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
