I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
