Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
