If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
