I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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