If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
