dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
