I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
