whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize