I have demons in me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i have herpe
just one?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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