I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Found the puke drawer
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
