we made out on top of his cat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
