he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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