Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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