I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
