Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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