Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
