she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
