Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
