Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They took my balls.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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