well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
