brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
