I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
