my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
