He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
