is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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