I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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