dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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