Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
