Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
