He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
