He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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