guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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