What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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