talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
