3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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