Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
ok first of all what the fuck
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
