So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
