I puked a lego.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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