no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize