just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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