Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
