How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
