hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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