I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
