Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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