we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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