Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
