I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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