Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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