And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
