hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
