Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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