Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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