Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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