Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
