I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
