It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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