hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
