one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
