i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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