How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize