I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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