Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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