We're like a lot better than the average bears
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
